As we begin to study the book of Revelation (one that I have not even attempted to read on my own due to the mass confusion that would ensue) I am experiencing this thing... like a pull or maybe a feeling, a nudge, more than likely a nudge from the Holy Spirit that God is about to bring me revelation, maybe not a vision of Heaven like Jesus' best friend John experienced but hopefully something that will bring me to better understand who my Savior is and what it should look like to live in light of that. Lately I have been dealing with some serious doubts about the validity and purpose of the Christian walk, and of course those doubts were all rooted and caught up in my own selfishness and sin.
Lord, I repent of my selfish pursuit of you, one that makes it all about me, how you can serve me and give me all the answers, tell me the things that make me "feel" good, the pursuit that makes me god and puts you in the role of my personal therapist. Lord, I have minimized who you are and what my role is, as your daughter, and not only as someone that is being served by you but also one that serves. I pray that you would continue to reveal the ways that I have misconstrued your character and created you into a God that I can manipulate and craft in a way that makes me comfortable. I pray that you would bring me to scriptures that speak of your character and I pray that your spirit would be preparing my heart to receive your word in new ways, that it would bring new understanding and would transform my mind, leaving my heart in a place that could do nothing but praise you and desire to grow in deeper relationship with you.
Sitting through last nights sermon really hit home the way that I have continued, even in other areas of growth, held on to this idea that this life is about me and what I believe I need and want. I have decided that Jesus was going to die for me and then spend his eternal existence serving me, when in fact the word of God was a gift to those who are servants of Jesus. This gift would give them guidance and encouragement, and in the case of Revelation, giving those servants a run down of all that was to come. When looking at my own spiritual journey and trying to decipher whether I just believe in God, or do I believe in Him and thus I serve the Church in response to the faith that was given to me at conversion. Abba, I pray that you would lay upon my heart the ways that I can serve the church with the gifts and talents you have created within me. I ask that you would begin to show me what it looks like to be a priest, one in full time ministry, living on mission, in service to the body of believers. I pray that I would not limit the ways that you could use me, I pray that I would be open and obedient to you calling on my life. I pray that if it leads me to a radical change or step of faith, that your spirit would be upon me and that I would have the faith to trust your will, knowing all things from you are for your glory and my joy... How crazy is it that we get joy, I mean it is enough to be saved from our depravity, and given new life but we actually get to enjoy it! How gracious is God. Seriously. Dang.
I also want to pray for blessings upon all those people in the body of the church that have given their lives to the proclamation of the gospel and sharing the love of Jesus. I pray that these people who serve every weekend, or pastor a church, or use their talents humbly to serve the church, they would be blessed because of the blessing they have been. I am thankful for their boldness to share no matter the cost to them. They have been faithful to boldly proclaim Jesus as Lord and King over all things and have grown the church to massive numbers. It started with an inner circle of three men and then 12 disciples and has turned into a huge movement worldwide, where people are getting to experience Jesus in incomprehensible ways. I pray that we as a body of believers would die to ourselves and gain Jesus, setting our sights on the realities of eternity spent with a God and Savior that humbly came to earth, bore the sin of the world in his body on a cross, shedding his blood for the atonement of sin, giving each of us the opportunity to be raise to new life just as he was risen from death conquering all evil and sinfulness and returning to heaven in glory, where he is seated at the right hand of the Father and as Revelation tells us... he will RETURN. In thanks to Him who was, who is and is to come, amen.
